


Saving Me From Myself, Because I’m The Enemy

by Pancakewriter



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Adopted Reader, Depression, Eating Disorders, My First Fanfic, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-28
Updated: 2019-05-28
Packaged: 2020-03-20 18:29:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18998128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pancakewriter/pseuds/Pancakewriter
Summary: warning: this is my first fic so don't judge me too bad lolThe reader is Sam and Dean's adopted sister. She is depressed and is going through a lot, but she's not so good with feelings. Luckily she has Castiel in her corner :)





	Saving Me From Myself, Because I’m The Enemy

You sat up groaning. You had a headache for the billionth time this week. “Maybe if you actually ate something you would feel better”. You send a glare in Sam’s direction as he stared at you with those famous puppy dog eyes. “I told you, I'm not hungry”. Sam and Dean share a glance, acting as though you couldn’t take care of yourself. Well, you supposed that could be an accurate statement, because you really haven’t eaten in twoish days. But it’s not your fault. It’s not like you don’t have an appetite. Quite the opposite in fact. You just felt like if you ate even a little bit, you were letting yourself down. You didn’t deserve to eat. Many people have died because of you. On hunts, you were never helpful. You played the perfect damsel in distress. If you were honest with yourself, all you were good for was bait, and even then you managed to mess it up somehow. 

   You don’t share any of this with the Winchesters, of course. That’s just the way you guys operate. If there’s one thing you’ve learned from your brothers over the years, its that feelings should be locked up tight. You don’t share your weakness unless you want to become your weakness. Instead, you will keep it to yourself as you sit, drinking a beer with your brothers on the other side of the bunkers table. 

   “Yea, well, we dont believe you,” Dean said pointedly. “Now, wanna try telling us the real reason you’ve been starving yourself? Cause, you know, you’re really starting to worry me here.” You feel the anxiety building as he talks. You panic as you wonder what to say. “Nope. Not happening” you say as you abruptly stand up, chair scraping loudly against the floor. “Y/n, just talk to us. It’s alright, we'll understand. There’s no need to be afraid to open up,” Sam pleads.

   You take off down the hall. You slam your door shut and lock it as the tears roll down your cheeks. You choke on a sob as you realize what you have to do. You’ve been trying to quit, but you’ve been doing it so long now that you don’t know how. It started when you were 13 and the Winchesters took you in. A windigo came and took your family while you were camping. You got away and managed to hide in the woods until John found you and told you everything would be ok. He took you back to the motel he was staying in, where you met Dean and Sammy. Losing your family was hard, but you found that one thing that made it better was pain. You started out just using an old safety pin you found to cut yourself, but over time it developed into using a knife. You knew it was sick, but it was what you needed. Now, you just didn’t know how to stop. It’s been 7 years.

   You make a few cuts and clean up. Then, you move to pack your bag. You quickly go over the whole room and find what you need. You pack some clothes, toiletries, and pictures. When it’s done, you make your way down the hall. You make it up the stairs, but as you go to leave, you hear from behind you, “Where do you think you’re going?” You open the door and run. You run and run, knowing Dean is behind you. You know you’ll never be faster, so you just have to be smarter. You run through the trees in a zigzag until you find the one you’re looking for. There’s a tree in the woods that you go to when you need to clear your head. Its a tree meant for climbing. When you get up there, you hold your breathe and hope that you weren’t caught. You can hear Dean as he moves closer, and stands under the tree. He continues running. 

   You know you shouldn’t be doing this, but you don’t know what else to do. You aren’t good at feelings, and it felt like they were putting you in a corner. Fight or flight kicked in, and you flew like the chicken you are (I know chickens don’t really fly but….). You jump as you hear a flutter of wings in front of you.  
“Hello y/n”.  
“Hey Cas. What’s up”, you say as an attempt to deflect.  
“Dean called me. He’s worried about you, Sam is too. Why are you running?” His head tilt made your heart beat fast. It was like he was studying you.  
“I’m not. I’m sitting. In a tree. I’m tree-sitting. It’s all the rage these days.”  
“Y/n, even I know that’s not true. You’re hiding. What are you so afraid of? Did you do something? Did your brothers? I will revenge you if they did you wrong.”  
“Thats sweet Cas, but really, I’m fine”.  
“No offense Y/n, but the Winchesters have a twisted definition of fine. You would say you’re fine on your deathbed”.  
You know when to accept defeat, so you just sigh to signal your loss. “I know Cas. I just really don’t know where to start. In case you haven’t gathered, I’m not very good with feelings”.  
“I’m well aware. It seems to be a family trait. Would it help if I read your mind? I know you’re not very fond of it, but it may help me to understand”.  
“Ok Cas. I trust you”. You close your eyes as he moves his hand to your head, where he places it softly. His eyes light up blue as he stares with understanding in his eyes.  
“You should’ve talked to me sooner. I know you’re not good at it, but I promise I will help you. I only want the best for you.” He takes your hands in his as they glow. Looking down, you notice that all of your cuts have healed.  
“Thank you Cas. I don’t know what to say”.  
“Don’t say anything”. He hugs you and kisses the top of your head. You sit there for a while, just the two of you, until you fall asleep in his arms.  
   Castiel carries you back to the bunker, and tucks you into your bed. He then steps into the hall to meet a pair of worried hunters. “She’s ok. I put her in bed, but there’s a lot we should all talk about in the morning. For now, go get some rest. I will watch over her.” And he does. He sits by your side all night, watching you sleep. If it were anyone else, it would be creepy. Castiel is different though. With him, you feel safe.


End file.
